The Litter Box

Wikipedia has too much information for its own good. Really. Sometimes less is more. My most recent search for “praying mantis” yielded, within seconds, way more information than I ever cared to know about this creepy crawly insect that has been inhabiting my stoop as of late.

Last Monday, I noticed a very large spidery thing attached to the outside of my living room window. Upon closer inspection, I discovered just what it was. For about one nanosecond, I was impressed–I haven’t seen a praying mantis since I was a kid collecting insects for my 5th grade science project. But my liking of the insect was short lived, especially when I noticed, just about 8 inches away, another mantis. And then, in the corner… ewwwww, there’s another. What just seconds ago was a spectacle of nature, now filled my head with thoughts of swarms and infestations and worries for the corn crop (not that I grow any corn in or around my midtown condo, but I can still be worried for those who do!)

One of the invaders on my windowsill

So, I did the only responsible thing I could think of. I tried to scare the little suckers far far away. First I tapped the pane politely. And they politely ignored me. How rude. If they are taking up residence on my residence, the least they can do is pay a little mind. Then I pounded. Lightly at first, then with more vigor. Still no luck. In fact, the little buggers didn’t move a muscle. Not even a twitch. Finally, I decided to let them alone. So I gave them a little warning not to do anything “I wouldn’t do” and walked away. But guess what? They didn’t listen to that either. I walked into my living room just a few minutes later to see two of these things doing it on my window. I promptly closed the blinds. No one should be subjected to such shame. And I’m not talking about them having a human peer at them mid act. No, I’m talking about me being forced to watch. Yuck.

Lover Boy

Somehow, I managed to pull my mind away from the breeding taking pace just outside… albeit not for long. I kept an eye on the libido twins as often as I could for the next couple of days. And still they didn’t move (not that I blame them–my window probably has some significance for them now). It was a good thing, actually. I didn’t want them mysteriously disappearing. Just think of the mind games that would incite! I figured they’d have their fill–I mean everything does eventually… right?–and then move on their way.

Wrong again. Just three days later, I came home from work to find not one, two, or three little mantis’ on my window… but six. SIX! SIX!! What takes nine months in human time apparently only takes a matter of days in mantis time. Either that, or the reputation of my love nest window has quickly made it through the entire West Michigan mantis population. NOT COOL. What was I to do??

It was then that I consulted Wikipedia… quite possible the WORST thing I could do at the time. Within minutes, I had discovered that…

-Mantises are exclusively predatory beings. Pred-a-what?

-Mantises are ambush eaters. Just what I need. Creepy things ambushing me as I walk out my door in the morning. And even before I have my coffee!!

-Mantises are in the cockroach family. Oh yeah, that’s comforting. What else do I have breeding on my house?

-Mantises have been known to take part in sexual cannibalism. Yep, there is eveidence that the female can decapitate the male during sex, apparently to achieve…um…more…um…faster.

But here’s the kicker…

-A female mantis can lay between 10 and 400 eggs at one time. 400!!! That means that there could potentially be another 394 of these things lurking around my front door, waiting to strike. Oh me. Oh my.

If I don’t update my blog next week, please send someone to come look for me.